hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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