just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
