i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
