I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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