the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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