i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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