Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
