coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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