dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
