my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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