I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
