After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
