In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
we're so committed to being not committed
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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