I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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