oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
