We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
