It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
