Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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