Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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