so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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