he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
