Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize