Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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