I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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