We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
