My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we should paint friendship bongs
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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