but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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