You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
