Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
