that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
