Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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