also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
