There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
