FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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