In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
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