Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
