I must be too annoying 4 u.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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