DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Who died my cat blue again?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
