JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Found the puke drawer
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
