and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
