Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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