you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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