we have officially lost it.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
