i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
your like the ambassador to my penis.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
