4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
