he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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