Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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