I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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