I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we're making bets on your personal life
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
