I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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