shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
