I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
