there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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