so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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