so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Boobs speak an international language.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
