I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
