so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
