youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
