im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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