Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
