remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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