If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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