ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I want her autograph on my taint
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
