Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
