there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
