It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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