I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
