Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
