he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
