Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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