Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
