why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
