The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
