New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
