I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
