break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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