You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
