ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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