Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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