How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
