He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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