She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
