I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
