Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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