I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize