Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
