he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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