I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
