i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
