he puts the penis in happiness.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize