My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
